Lately, I have met some exceedingly intriguing men, but one thing I have found they all have in common is the need and/or desire for the occasional “fling”.  I don’t know if I have the words “WILL HAVE SEX THE FIRST NIGHT” written on my forehead but this is getting extremely bothersome.  So I decided to write this blog about Non-Negotiable Terms, for all the ladies that are encountering the same situation.

I can implicitly say I know what I want from a man and/or relationship. If I take time out of my busy schedule to spend time with you, and indulge in long midnight conversations then I have some type of interest in you.  I am leaning more toward a dating arrangement and not a sexual arrangement.  I can get sex on my own and would not have to invest time conversing and going out on meaningless dates. I know this is more like the male perspective, but it is true.  There is always a man out there willing to “give it” to you with no strings attached.

Why in the beginning (before they get the sex), men talk about how they want to be in a meaningful relationship with a “virtuous woman”, and bombard you with empty promises, although we don’t know it at the time, such as, “I’ll be over to mow your lawn next week”; “how much does it cost to get your hair done?” “I’ll get your toes and nails done for you Friday”; and “how much you say that bill was?” Men will go through all of this knowing all he wants from you is a sexual relationship.  Once you “give it” to him, your position immediately change from a 1st round draft pick to 10th round, and what’s so pathetic ladies, we know it.  You sense it as soon as you walk away from that bed and/or when he walk out that door, you get this feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you hold on hoping this one will be different from the rest.  But I am here to tell you, he will be no different, especially if you notice the following signs — you always got to meet at his house, your house or at the hotel; dinner is always takeout with an excuse for why you all can never go out to dinner, movies or for a drink; he is always working late, which means he can only come over to see you LATE.  He wants you to believe he is so “in-to-you”, but you haven’t met your family or friends and getting him to meet your family and friends are out of the question.

Before you know it, you find yourself head over hills for this man, but since you gave up the cookies on the regular, suddenly the calls are becoming slim to none, the weekly “ hookups” are less frequent and more meaningless and without emotion.  You find yourself making excuses for his lack of attention or failure to show up.  “Maybe he was too busy to call me the last couple days, I know he is working two jobs”. And just when you start making your suspicions known, he hit you with the famous “JEDHI MIND TRICK” you know when a man try to take control of your mind and make you think it’s you with the problem and not him. You are so disordered, wondering if you over reacted and before you can think of a backup plan {to smooth things over}, he is GONE; leaving you oblivious to what just happened.  Can you believe it?  Your lover affair is over before it got started.

That is why; in love & relationships nothing is NEGOTIABLE.  When you are trying to land that man, you must establish a set of terms, reasonable of course, and stick with it. Believe me, men love a confident woman that knows what she want and don’t want.  Don’t let a man “take you to fast”, believe me ladies the romance will not last.   Remember, when it comes to affairs of the heart there are no exceptions to the rule— so stop giving up the “cookies” without making him work for it. I don’t care how hot and steamy his kisses are you must not give it up to soon. Do not indulge in the sex talk that only raises your suspicions and his.  Do not send naked photos of yourself, and get offended if he sends a naked photo of himself, some things must be left to the imagination.  Be confident and let that man know you refuse to pay “premium prices for poor quality”.  Get to know the man first, allow it to get beyond the façade everyone put on when they first meet; who knows you may not even like the man.  If you want to find real love, please stand firm, you must let that man know that your love has NON-NEGOTIABLE TERMS.


1 Comment

  1. jolynproject said,

    June 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    A friend and I were talking about men having it easier than ever with getting sex quickly with no effort which leads to men thinking that all women will give it up easy. It is sad. No romance, No courting. No relationship. Just sex. That’s okay if both parties are okay with that but a lot of times, it seems like one person (usually the woman) is thinking deeper into it than the other. However, women should be held accountable for arrangement, just as much as the men (which you pointed out well in your post). Men always show who they truly are and women’s intuition always tells us but so many of us ignore it because we are so desperate for that love, attention and affection. The men become a drug to numb the pain internally. In order to heal from this, I believe we would have to heal from the inside and secure it with love. Once we have self-love, non-negotiable terms would come naturally. That’s just my two cents.


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